Movies Gossip

To quote myself from a previous article, press releases are the most ghoulishly spurious form of modern communication. If there's one sliver of good to be taken from this downright vomitus medium, it's that they feature quotes from corporate executives so strained with fake enthusiasm over the dumb-dumb garbage they're promoting that you can almost hear the veins in their foreheads popping. The press release for the recently announced film adaptation of the Magic 8-Ball is no different.

Let's begin with a quote from Robbie Brenner of Mattel Films:

"Since the 1950s, Magic 8 Ball has inspired imagination, suspense and intrigue across generations."

That's a really lofty way to describe someone ruefully tossing aside a 20-sided die floating in black ink after they asked if they were ever going to find love and it replied "Ask Again Later."

"This iconic toy has a built-in connection with fans and untapped potential for storytelling."

He said the quiet part loud, then put it in the press release: The only reason they're making this is that you already know what a Magic 8-Ball is. They saw an opportunity to make a movie where they didn't have to waste 30 seconds of screen time explaining the central concept, and by Jove, they seized it.

Adobe Stock/Nikolai Sorokin"Will the Magic 8-Ball movie have a scene where the ball tells a person they're going to die?"